i can't watch a movie tonight dude, im smoking weed
you smoke with your eyes?
proudest moment: just made a guy walk into a parked car with his mouth hanging open cause of the shirt im wearing.
i refuse to live in a world where loud threesomes in your own apartment are referred to as "rude"
did you yell "are you not entertained?"
i cant do it anymore.. every time this girl orgasms she sounds like a motorcycle
Burnt my ear trying to use the bathroom blow dryer as a telephone.
How interesting! I'm adding this to my list of things to discuss with you between fucks.
its just been over 12 hours, and i`m dying, don`t know how i`m supposed to survive the holidays sexless
The whorange rubbed off. His white shirt was so gross at the end of the night I told him to frame it.
I am going to piss jack daniels before daylight.
Daylight. It is daylight. Who will give you a ride back?
I hope no one. I want to walk and have a bus hit me.
if you guys find pieces of my teeth don't throw them out please
I just started talking about how noodles were so good
Idk what I'm more afraid of...checking my bank account or my STD results.
And thank god for autocorrect cuz I can't even think in English let alone spell in it right now.
I have sent texts to the pizza delivery guy telling him he was beautiful. Oh and you almost got a ticket for pissing in public. And I smell like cheese.
I'm like a great zombie Jesus.
Randomize
