And if you don't call me, I will embarrass you publicly with a can of spray cheez.
You were mumbling a lot and offered me 20 dollars to leave you alone
My last memory involves me naked in a mens's bathroom stall. I really hope my date was with me.
Also, my phone autocorrects ENABLER to all caps. I think I drunk text the word too often.
im not even sure if i fucked her just woke up in her closet.
Pregaming before going to drink with a girl from Russia. Please make sure I'm not dead in the morning.
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
do you remember the random banging on my door at 3 am wearing 2 budlight cases as a dress
Just visited the liquor store.... for the 4th time today. shits gonna get weird
If there was a build-a-penis, I would build that penis.
I just had my first lesbian experience. Out of spite.
Got stiff armed by the garbage man on the back of the truck...I just wanted to ride one block dude
Don't blame me. My vagina leads me astray.
literally took my pants off in the middle of bourbon last night without taking off my heels im a super human i guess
Who put my cat in the fridge?
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