I just saw a commercial for "tickle me elmo hands" and I am almost 100 percent sure that at the end elmo said "yeaaaaa boooyyyyyy"
the girl I was having sex with just mumbled victory for msu during sex. i love basketball season
You planned my entire going away party sitting in the bath tub cradling a bottle of Cuervo. You promised me fire jugglers. And a pinata.
I gotta bail on the cookout tonight. Im at the er getting stitches. Re-enacting porno went horribly wrong.
Sometimes you just need a break, and sometimes you also need to get stoned on these breaks. I sound like some kind of fucked up mr rogers when I say shit like that.
I made a blanket fort and am drinking Gatorade and eating donuts watching 500 days of summer. I can't keep spending my saturdays like this.
He's my BOYFRIEND but he won't sext me. I'll be like, "tell me how you want to fuck me", and he's like, "I love how we can talk about our feelings". FUCK
Yes, he did use his cock to direct traffic from my 3rd story window. That's why I love him
Yep. I'm going to buy a sex toy and a LARP prop on the same trip. Welcome to my life.
Do you think next time you could control the yawn? Kind of a buzzkill to be mid-orgasm and see you yawning over there.
I just realized I slept with a guy who used the pickup line "do you have a bandaid? I skinned my knee when I fell for you."
he yelled at me like a drill sergeant while I quickly tried to take off my pants
He was really cute! And I know but it's just like getting my fix ya know? He's basically a human vibrator.
I've got 3 hot dudes surrounding me. It's the Bermudick Triangle.
Are you in a position where you can bring me some nachos?
Randomize
