Have you ever been so weak from sleep you couldn't push your poo out?
he broke up with me while standing outside, half naked, waiting to fuck him. i feel like a leper right about now.
so all the bums hang out by my new store, they have a leader we call king bum... He got dethroned by police today for choking out a hooker. The bum heirarchy is in shambles right now.
i also performed surgery on a chicken burrito from what i can tell from my scissors
Apparently my face was in the trashcan and in between throw ups I was screaming LOS DIABLOS. I woke up this morning with a bird flying around my room. Nobody seems as concerned as I am.
CONGRATULATIONS! You have won: pictures of my nipples!
Had a dream that you were held at gun point. But I killed the guy. Then we embraced in the biggest hug while everyone around us clapped... Kinda how I imagine our wedding...
Only three months past my 21st and I'm done. So many life lessons in so little time.
It says a lot about the way my life is going right now that 'there's no shit in your house' is fucking good news.
Positive reinforcement! I'm training him for being a good boy and coming over. He gets sex and cookies.
I AM EATING BACON AND CHEESE. FUCK THE BULLSHIT.
At least your vagina gets to vagina again. Dust that thing off.
She blew me while I watched the jets game and the hardest thing was deciding what to focus on more
I’ve had a lot of vodka, 3 different dicks and no food since last night. Come get me
He flipped a shopping cart in the back room and had to leave to make a jazz playlist. If we aren't in love then i don't know what love is.
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