Flowers- 20. Dinner-50. Drinks- 25. Hotel- 150. The look on his face when I tell him I'm on my period? Priceless.
It's like sleeping with someone you met at a karaoke bar. It's never okay.
I shall celebrate this moment with a beer conveniently located in the sock drawer directly to the right of me.
But sometimes ur dick treats me better than u do
I walked up to a girl in a bar, and all I was capable of doing was taking my beer and bumping it up to hers. While doing so, all I could say was "Bud Light". She walked away.
She asked me why I was wearing a Batman Suit. Have I ever needed a reason to wear a Batman Suit?
I just saw a guy getting escorted with handcuffs on, I'm too drunk to be at the airport right now.
She told me she was going to ride me so hard i would cum the ghosts of my ancestors...its gonna be a good time
Seriously. Texted me 4 times and that didn't wake me up so he nicely called and left a voicemail saying he WOULD call me 8 times. So when he called back I answered.
SEX BINGO!
Canadian or clown?
Learn from me. Do not smoke cigs and fold laundry in your room. The cigarette will fall into the dresser without you noticing and your shirts will be on fire. Wanna go shopping tomorrow? I need some new shirts.
How was your night?
I spent a lot of money and drank a lot of booze. Also was part of a successful search party
Idk I saw a cheetah print onesie and it reminded me of your Lion King fantasy.
dude kate found out i cheated and busted in while i was taking a shit. I was cornered, nothing i could do
so drinking tonight?
Be there in 15
I was trying to type "I just want you naked" and it put "I just want you baked"
Randomize
