i kinda do this "flirt with girls and pretend to be a hot white guy named chris" thing
chipotle is closed for thanksgiving... I am officially thankful for NOTHING.
I just tried to light a cigarette with a tube of lipstick. If I had stayed in girl scouts maybe I could've made that happen.
she insisted i was the anonymous guy on formspring that kept asking to bang her
Clearly I went along with it
My vagina has become a graveyard for my brother's friendships...
FUUUUUCK she froze all my quaters inside the ice cubes again
Im debating on how to word my craigslist post so i dont get arrested...
Her bed looked like it had just hosted a water balloon fight. It was that good.
Circumcision scars are like fingerprints. I think I'm on to something man.
I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser.
Hey it happens. Think of it this way- you didn't wake up in jail, your face wasn't inexplicably busted and you still have all your teeth. In this group of friends, you're on top!
I'm covered in glow paint and I can't find my shirt. So, successful night
I never saw such an emotional argument over yellow vs. spicy mustard.
you're not celebrating your 21st birthday right unless you give a male stripper a hand job, flash the bartender, and win a free vibrator.
Whats a little breast milk between friends?
Randomize
