I just almost got out my car and drop kicked this one chick over parking. Welcome to the first day of spring semester.
This is not a drunk text right now. This is an i want your dick text. There is a difference.
Found a cheerleading trophy in my shower this morning. Explain.
at that time a 4 pound meatball stuffed with pizza rolls seemed more important than bailing you out of jail.... sorry.
Btw, just wanna point out that you've hooked up with two guys whose birthdays are today. Congratulations, you have a type!
My bed is full of blood and feathers
Question: If I got in a car accident and lost my memory of us, would you work your way back just so we could be fuck buddies again?
I'm watching The Vow and just need to know that I'm loved in some way
Well I have rug burns in both armpits, somehow. So yes you should have been here
For sure. I'm slow cooking a 6 pound pork shoulder wrapped in bacon. If that doesn't scream "guys I'm going into culinary arts lets get drunk" I'm not sure what does.
I just bought the spice girls album. We will be doing music videos in the near future. You are our baby spice-- don't fight it
thank you for being a reason not to completely check out of my life and start sleeping all day, crying all night, and living off vodka acquired through credit card debt
Honestly, I want an afternoon of mild abuse, mixed with face fucking and general molestation that turns in love making, laughter and cinnamon toast crunch naked in bed.
Apparently I had 2 bloody noses and after my sis put me to bed at the hotel, I escaped and my sister's friend found me in an elevator with some guy
I don't get promposals. When I asked my date I was so drunk I couldn't lift my head. Then I puked on my lawn after he said "ok whatever". That's romance
last night you said that you wanted to hold my dick as you slept because it was like having a stuffed animal.
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