i was looking up hair salons in ithaca for the wedding and one is a hair salon/ sake bar! you can have sake or champagne while you get your hair done!
question, how would one sake-bomb while getting hair done without getting a horrible haircut?
It's like the Sean Connery of vaginas. You don't mess with it.
Threw up 3 times on the lawn mower and then proceeded to crash it into a tree root and break it.
I just ate a dove chocolate and the wrapper said "chocolate: always your valentine" WHAT KIND OF JACKASS WRITES THESE AND WHY MUST THEY MOCK ME?
Is it too forward to say "stop being a good friend and start being a good fuck buddy"
I think they're German
Just say lederhosen and see what happens
They are fixing my bike for free, trying to smoke me out, and their kids keep hugging me.
I just remembered something. Did we really all flash the cab driver to get half off?
I'm taking myself to the hospital right now b/c there is no way this erection is subsiding in the next 4 hours.
Two ladies just showed up with my fucking purse. It was in the fucking street. I'm a train wreck. As a financial advisor, this shouldn't happen. I should be an adult.
I have bruises all over my body. Seriously, I'm a train wreck. I'm too damn old for hangovers like this.
I'm a bit offended I got no nudies back but it's whatever
They're in the mail. Snapchats too fast. I want the suspense.
Now go get drunk with your fam and get back into ur christmas groove. No time for gonnorhea
Hey. It's Michael. The guy that had his tongue in your mouth last night. Just wanted to check in with you.
So, looks like I managed to leave my bra in the boardroom after all the sex. FML.
I’m going to fail his daughter so she stays in my class and I can keep fucking him. BEST. ORGASMS. EVER.
Then you can teach the kid to be a home wrecker
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