Is it wrong to scream your own name when about to bust?
That guy youre talking to looks like Brian from Family Guy.
i just heard the ice cream truck outside while mid-masturbation. i stopped and considered running outside to buy one.
around noonish you got carried out for spitting water and throwing cups at old people...
He finally admitted that he was drunk when I asked him how he got the rug burn on his chin and he replied "the worm contest"
btw found the cat. he didn't appreciate the toilet bath.
I woke up in solitary confinement, wheb they moved me the guy that sold me the pill of Molly at the concert was in the police waiting room, we nodded to each other.
I've officially done it all, fucked a girl wearing a twister board. ABC parties are amazing!
The amount of effort it's taking me to not shit my pants this morning is probably a sign to slow down the drinking
The Uber driver took us to a Waffle House. We didn't even say anything when we got in. MAGIC.
just ran into my father at CVS while buying condoms...he winked at me. I really need to move out of this town.
One of your 'guests' left her bra in the kitchen.
Dude, does it look like any of the women I bring home wear bras?
So my plane's delayed and some guy is talking to "sparkles" he just told her to never again sell drinks from her cleavage. This is why I don't go home
I dropped my pants and she just stared until she asked how is that even possible? Best night ever lmao
Dude someone puked in a bowl n put it in the fridge. I thought it was salsa! Who does that?
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