She walked into class late sat down for 5 min muttered 'oh i cant do this' and walked out. She looked like death.
We should party with her soon
My life is a requiem composed in the key of fuck.
we found you under the sink... we opened up the doors and you told us to go away because you were playing indian in the cupboard
Just took the worst coed shower ever. We both cried. AND I only shaved one leg.
I would never do this in real life. It's only college.
Dangr zzzzzzzzone
Parents said they were cutting off my AmEx card. So I immediately went up to the liquor store and purchased $550 of booze before it was canceled. I'm expecting your arrival in 30 minutes.
I'm going on a valentine's date with the random guy i hooked up with in the bar bathroom this weekend...i feel like julia roberts
I didnt realize how badly my legs were scratched up from power-fucking him in the bushes until kate dumped a bottle of vodka on me. that shit burnedddd
It's pretty telling that my resolutions all involve who I will sleep with in 2014.
It's important to play to your strengths.
You now have the mental image of me flying off into the sunset with no pants
Hey, sorry for threatening to teabag your mom to death last night
I am in serious pain and you're making dick jokes. I hope you wind up with crotch rot.
I have an ideal penis or slightly above ideal penis in every country that isn't ruined by the specter of communism
like I'd leave you in a situation like that..pfft. what kinda friend do you think I am?
...a stoned one.
Randomize
