My gyno told me the birth control she prescribed reduces sex drive
wats the point then?
I'm gonna have bed sores at the end of this hangover.
i knew it was time to break up with him once he pulled out the Halo foreplay costumes
I feel compelled to tell you that I woke up this morning and found an entire corn on the cob in my purse. Ive decided not to question my drunken behavior anymore, and to just accept it as my lifestyle.
theres a wall by my room thats like, a prime fucking wall. before i move out SOMEBODY is gonna fuck me on that wall, goddamnit.
We ran out of ice cubes so I used ice cream. Everyone thought that was the plan all along. I just went with it.
I just wanna go somewhere and not be judged for wearing spandex shorts that make my ass look like a slice of fucking heaven. Is that so much to ask??
btw you left your chapstick on the nightstand and bruises on my body...
gifts from me to you. you're welcome.
You need to get laid. You spent last night stumbling through the club pulling couples apart and telling them to leave room for Jesus.
Jesus Christ. If I were a normal sex-having person, I'd think I was knocked up. I'm cycling through emotions like I'm in a decathlon to crazy.
I just screamed IM THE CHUPACABRA and jumped on his dick. I need to evaluate my life choices.
Went to put my shoe on and asked myself why I left a sock in it. I didn't. Needless to say I found our used condom.
- I'm finally learning to be functional when I'm high. I feel like this is a milestone.
I walked in on him fucking her whilst she ate skittles. I saw things no one should see, but I did get your bra back. You owe me.
Little does she know that you've out-sourced your conscience to a girl who doesn't even wear pants on a regular basis
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