Holy wow, I found all the old poems u wrote me back when we were in looooooooove...just sort of wild to look back on, thought u'd like that
Um, that's called prostitution
Not if I leave it on the nightstand, then it's called cab money
Pre-pickelized cucumber-hand invasion!! RUN!!!!!!!!!!
I need to buy a mesh tank top to fit in in Florida. Where do they even sell that shit?
we didnt fuck last night. again. seriously, his place is like where dreams go to die.
I just chugged a whole pitcher of beer in 1 min. 9 sec. A whole goddamn pitcher.
girls just need to accept the fact that i'm going to make out with their boyfriends
She showed me her prom dress from 2001, which still had her date's cum stain on it.
Oh, so that's why you call her jizzarella....
HOW DID U BEAT A GAY GUY IN GAY CHICKEN?
you know what would be perfect? if you flew in on a horse/cat holding taco bell and then you swooped me up and took me to disney world and it was magical
If you wanna be a real wingman, create some insecurity and comment on that pic of all the hot girls with "Id do every girl in this pic.. except the fat one".
I feel that it is my duty to the human race to invent a colon squeegy
He didn't have much of a personality. But I had like 100 orgasms, so that's cool.
Yes, you can glue plastic eyes to my dick and take pictures while I'm asleep. If you tell anyone I said you could do that Ima fight you.
last night I mixed vodka in with my protein shake... and you tell me my new years resolution was impossible
Randomize
