After last night, I could never be a politician.
Omg just saw this kid I went to elementary school with at the bar and he used to be cool and I was so awkward but now I have boobs so I WIN.
Apparently blazed enough to think that the sizzling meatballs in the pan were calling your name...Ssssteeeeeve
She had a baby and now works at Hooters. She is the poster child for peaking in high school.
well we could tame deer to let us ride on them. does that work?
Just got super judged by a walmart cashier for buying diet pills and candy in the same transaction. Like she has her life figured out.
I haven't found him passed out in the living room covered in noodles for a while now so I guess he's getting better with the drinking.
omg. i wish i could describe to you the number of things that were just in my vagina. i feel like i got gangbanged by construction workers.
I was high and he had on a gorilla suit. Of course I had to take a picture with him
Your a disgrace to smokers everywhere
We're you guys there last night when everyone started chanting "Nacho Steph"? Someone picked me up, carried me to the nacho cheese and made me do a nacho cheese stand.
She's impossible to please. Other than with two fingers and a tongue.
One minute we were ordering sandwhiches. The next hes peeing in a trash can yelling at kids about how tv made him this way
I was at a crossroads, dude. Like, do I wanna eat chicken McNuggets or talk about my feelings?
I mean...he danced with his dick still inside of me. What more could a girl ask for?
I guess "hi, I know your mom, she taught me in high school" is an effective pickup line
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