Sometimes I feel like I shouldn't drink when I come out of a black out half naked covered in puke. Then I realize thats why I drink.
would you object to me following you around all the time with a video camera and selling it to TV? Your life could make me millions.
my boss just made his own remix to aaron carter's i want candy. i cant decide if its the funniest or most embarrassing thing ive seen
He toold me that when we were younger I was his boner buddy.
I twisted my ankle last night doing a super high five with 3 inch heels on.
It involved anal and pop rocks. Tell me how that could have ended well.
she walked out and i tried to get her to come back but i couldn't remember her name so i just whistled... future reference: that doesn't work
Did you mean to cry when you finished last night? Or were you just that drunk?
I made him fuck me with my coat zipped up and a unicorn mask on. That level of drunk sex. Weird and creepy yet highly satisfying.
Liar. My heart is broken and my boobs are disappointed.
he kept insisting he didn't have my number, so i called his phone and my number came up as "yeaaaaaaaaah!"
Hook ups at LEGOLAND don't count right?
Are we playing inappropriate sexual encounters bingo?
My drug dealer is giving me a 15% veterans discount on my weed for nov 11th
That's the best thing I've heard all week.
sometimes i just have a bad day n consider lowering my standards
May have told my history professor I wanted him to stuff me like a turkey. Too slutty?
Nah, people appreciate the creativity of seasonal sluttiness. Let me know if it works!!!
Randomize
