Just saw my gyno in public. Weird to see her hands outside of my vagina.
He came all over my face... then said "YOU HAVE BEEN ROBBED!"
What's this douchebags name?
Rob...
So i know you wont get this until you land, but if i'm late its cause i was having sex. being blunt and hope that explains things.
Going to the market. I need some nachos and a serious re-evalution of my life.
Every shot buddy I have I end up blowing. I don't know whether this pattern is good or bad.
I'm not a home wrecker but if one more married man with a yacht asks me to go scuba diving I'm NOT saying no
I know. he thinks we're 'meant to be'. No we're fucking not. God wouldn't give my soulmate a pencil dick.
I just wanted to let u know that I called the taco people and informed them what the fuck is up.
You told the cop you where the star of the Track team and tried to run away. So yeah, i'm not surprised.
I think it really helped to be hungover at accepted students day. it gave me a good feel for how it would be everyday if I go there.
My New Year's resolution is to chill out on the group sex. At least with my friends anyway.
Apparently I've texted the word shitfucked so much it auto-completes it now.
you missed a good time last night.
you texted me at 10 telling me to come fuck you, that says enough.
he was just sitting there in his underwear... and his chewbacca mask...
Is it acceptable to respond to a declaration of love with 'and I love your dick'? Asking for a friend who shares a name and possibly a phone number with me. Entirely coincidental.
Randomize
