In line at the arbys drive thru on foot. Legendary.
My new apartment is within walking distance of both the liquor store and the chinese buffet. This is either going to be my worst life choice ever or my best.
I kept telling myself all night that it was completely okay for me to lose all sense of my morals because it was my birthday.
My mom made me write an apology letter to all my family for hijacking the eggnog.
I hope no one at work will be able to read the "who wants body shots" on my chest. I forgot about it.
Woke up with the note 'going outside. Ignore bloody spoon. Be back soon' taped to my forehead. Know anything about it?
I think I'm going to make a pina klonopin before class.
you wouldn't believe how quickly birth control dissolves in vodka
Roommate is high and swore off off the diet. Said she wants to make everyone else fat since it'd be easier. She spent today baking 3 dozen brownies for the office tomorrow and is already down to 24.
It's the only time I've ever felt manly shitting myself
Just paid off my possession ticket on 4/20. Helloooo awesome.
I guess, all I remember was giving you road head the whole way there so you wouldn't fall asleep.
You're the only person I know who's experienced a micropenis and a magnum XL penis
Well, if I’m not getting dick or sleep then I’m not interested.
I'm getting reacquainted with drunk me. She has grown up a lot.
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