he bonged a 1/5 of jack and came back an hour later blacked out with a legitimate chicago firemans helmet
No dude, you can't hot box a bus shelter.
You broke out your mechano set and told us you were gonna "build us a beer machine" and 5 min later you were fast asleep
he told me he saved a turtle in the middle of the road.. i told him id be over in ten minutes...i mean he deserves a bj after that.
Oh god. It's my first day here, I'm still drunk and somebody just drifted in a forklift. I'm going to die.
he rolled over in his sleep, called me a hoe and then grabbed my crotch. some things never change, asleep or not.
im afraid if i stop breathing i will turn into a porcupine
To celebrate your birthday last night, I got drunk and sang drift away in buffalo wild wings. Happy birthday. The entire bar sang the chorus with me. It was magical.
Text me when you wake up so I know you're ok. It's really worrisome to get home at this hour and find 3 men passed out in my room but no you. Love you, goodnight. :-)
Incoming: this is a booty call. To accept, please reply with an appropriate time. To reject, please reply "N" and the information will be filed for future reference.
Is this what it's like to be an adult? You plan out play dates for your vagina?
My walk of shame turned into having to get his dad to tow my best friends car out of the snowbank in his driveway
What is it about fresh air and wanting to talk about penises
His parents then knew me as the blackout who took care of him and stole his watch
This morning we had sex while he was wearing a full length fur jacket and sunglasses... I wasn't even phased
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