I had a dream last night that I was the one that killed Biggie
I don't even know how sober sex starts anymore
Why do my balls have what looks like rust on them?
you made them have somersault races with you thru the lobby..
He smells so good today
Seriously, back away from the sexual harrasment suit.
Malibu has added tequila to its rum. It's like when two beautiful gaybies come together an spawn a unicorn that only cries jellybean tears.
Yeah I'm at work. Nothing like the threat of blowing chunks on passing cars to make you feel alive.
I got back from work this morning after working the night shift to find an NFL player scaling the side of our apartment...from your window. He just took sneaking out to all new level. Care to explain?
I think that about sums it up, actually.
I can tell right now that knowing you will either be really fun or ruin my life
ATTENTION PENIS' OF BURLINGTON: I AM COMING FOR YOU
Made eye contact with his twin sister the day after he gave me a lifechanging blowjob. Do you think she knows?
Another guy on Tinder just asked about "the hotter girl" in my pictures. I fucking hate being your friend.
Okay so I just had a really great idea
no.
I woke up naked with a duck on my head. I think something went horribly wrong.
How have you been? I haven’t talked to you since you dyed your pubes.
Randomize
