Hi, I just found this phone under my seat at a brewers game and seeing as you're entered in as 'fillllatio' I figured I'd ask you if you know the illiterate ass who owns this phone. Thanks :)
its time to go be "that drunk guy nobody knows"....again.
So then I sent a pic msg of the Magnum XL box to her friend
Do you think it'll be awkward standing up at their wedding knowing I've slept with both the bride and the groom?
Oh, I made pasta salad in the throw up bowl. I hope you don't need that for the next few days.
We are lost and the only things we have are peanut brittle, cookies and vodka. I think we'll make it.
I have to bobbypin his pubes for us to have sex. The other day he wanted me to braid them.
Bonus points if the penis has a little hat too
Im drinking ciroc out of an ice cream cone... my night is going fantastic
Black out Jordan is making huge strides. I didn't even pee on anyone or anything last night.
I ran into a wall that clearly had things popping out. My eyebrow was bruised, both arms, the bottom of my foot. Lost half of my finger nail, my fake eyelash was stuck in my hair and I have about 47 blurry pictures of a half naked zombie DJ.
I was all, oh. I've had tattoos and broken a limb. Waxing my lady parts will be a cake walk. I was wrong.
I've decided to have sex with him one more time to make sure I don't like him
when I walked in the door they were passed out naked, on top of eachother, with tetris controllers in their hands.
Last night I made out with two lesbians while dancing with another girl. I'm pretty sure it wasn't even real life.
Randomize
