What was that guy's name that you dated that wore the leotard?
I just heard a teenager say to his friend "dats my baby! i was hittin her up on myspace like gurllll. she got me steamin". must have missed the memo its 2005 and we still use myspace.
A relator touring our house this week saw the picture in our bathroom of steven passed out, yellow faced, with BALLS on his forehead, and had to ask "if that kid was alive or dead".
I made out with the bride. You tell me how my night was
I owe her a pancake or a second hand orgasm
i convinced her i need a blow job every morning to wake up because i have a medical condition.
Its a little weird going to a wedding where I've screwed the bride and my wife has screwed the groom. Great wedding though.
female sloths literally scream when they want sex and can be heard up to 700 meters away
i think i might be a female sloth
I tried to prevent a bar fight. By convincing a guy whacked out on Molly to slap the ass of everyone who was arguing and shout "WOO" each time. I'm proud, surprised, and intrigued that it calmed everyone down so quickly...
Your rough animalistic sex sounds are disrupting my cocktail hour
I was sending him tit pics while watching how to train your dragon 2. It was everything.
This is not the first time I've recognized my body is subconsciously trying to make pizza.
And for some reason every time I get drunk I just want to tell you that I have a mini secret personal fan club of your dick
I just told my bowl "sorry" for putting it down, because I thought I hurt its feelings. omg. I'm high.
Don't try to butter me sideways
That is without a doubt the most Southern thing you have ever said.
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