I just am on my way home.. i had 3 and one startd crying and puking.. so they went home. one bitch fuckin ruined it for evryone.. u playin cards?
I now officially know the distance between my two boobs is one twizzler.
Dude you have to stop using "I eat good pussy" as a pick up line
It's called 'beer pong' not 'everclear and coke pong' for a reason...
Balls are wasted. Waste are ballsted. Ballsd wasted
He found my weave.. Think he'll still fuck me Friday? And how do I ask for it back?
Hows that studying goin for you?
I'm in my bathtub in a robe and jeans smoking a bowl and my hair is covered in olive oil
I think you're going to have to drive me to white haven. I don't know if my brain can handle having my mom drop me off at a strip club.
I can't let him end my perfect streak. HE USED TO BE FAT
I don't know what it was about last night, but every bar that i went to there was at least one girl there that i had done something with. I'm sure the girl that i went with knew because they all grabbed my penis and told me to call them.
I haven't had a bra on since I quit my job.
And I got shut down by a ginger. It was a weird night
I want to buy weed from this guy on Tinder but I'm not sure I should trust him...but it's free delivery
Do you know who these girls are? They're baking a cake, making chicken enchiladas, and bringing me beer everytime I finish one.
She called me at 2am crying because her late night booty call moved out of state
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