I'm sad I can't be there is wknd, I'm laying on the beach and daydreaming of you / crying a bit
I'm watching a porn and daydreaming of you. Sounds like we both need Kleenex
turns out the guy i was dating because he was a cop was not actually a cop. i learned this as he got arrested by real cops.
Well, I guess this was as good a night as any to find out I don't know how to use my fire extinguisher.
My tally is now official: I have been drunk every weekend since 2008. Cheers.
i dont know, i woke up and he was going down on me. i guess i can save his number
you spent the night getting lap dances from a stripper with a c-section scar then ended up at a one room casino by the airport and you say you're too good to blaze and see pirahna 3d? bullshit
The girl with a dislocated arm just did an assisted keg stand. You will never have an excuse again.
Can you explain to me why there are fake boobs glued on my chest?
I confess. I just downed the bottle of saki. And I'm singing phantom of the opera to the dogs. Be glad you're not here for the high notes.
I don't understand why you aren't on this trip all I do is smoke weed drink beer and get fingered
Alls I wanted was a fun New Years but I end up fingering a geico sales representative on a futon and giving her a ride to work the next morning
I finally figured out how to tighten my bra straps and I feel like a god
And then I was like pick your blow job song and he choose the sonic the hedgehog theme song. If he's not the one no one is.
And you tried to get me to have sex with you in our Harry potter closet lol
I just took a shot before my midterm. Gotta keep things in perspective.
Randomize
