Fantastic night. drank beer from a wine bottle, danced on a van, chased a llama, and fell from a fence
He broke up with me by playing Lynyrd Skynyrd "Free Bird".
That weatherman I hooked up with is on TV again
Another one? Damn, how many David's is that?
six.
Oh, I thought it was higher.
No, that would be the Matt's
So....maintenance found the bullethole.....
Tis the season to puke in grandma's bathroom
My dad got me a charm braclet....his way of trying to support my gayness....
Getting a vibrator would be like waving the white flag of surrender in this war against my vagina and its hormone army.
Remind me never to smoke before babysitting again. Ate an entire bottle of children's gummy vitamins.... not an easy thing to explain to parents.
IF IT WALKS LIKE A MANWHORE AND QUACKS LIKE A MANWHORE, HE PROBABLY HAS VD.
Why is my fridge empty save for a basketball???
I COULD BREAK CONCRETE WITH MY FOOTBALL ERECTION.
The little girl I'm babysitting is having a tea party, the water and chips she's passing out are doing wonders for my hangover.
But unlike the human Walter the plant Walter will someday grow to satisfy my needs
Just cuz you've got the biggest dick I've ever seen doesn't mean u can wake me up at 2 am
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