"Ever since I killed her kid she be actin' shady." Actual quote overheard at Marine World just now. Oh God.
Hahahaha do you think bella ever gave edward head?
I saw her while sober, and she is definately cut off from the penis ride
Whenever I don't wipe thoroughly after shitting, I just think that anyone if anyone sticks their finger up my ass, they had it coming.
i woke up next to the toilet with a chipped tooth, somebody elses shirt on, and a random guys id in my pocket
he was fingering me, then looked down and said "i like your socks"
Our whole friendship has just been time foreshadowing my dick in your mouth.
My brain is like scrambled eggs. If scrambled eggs were trying to escape out of my skull through my forehead.
My taste buds are fucked up, everything tastes like fire after last night.
Can you bring home bongs? Like all the bongs. I need bongs
Executive order 941: BRING ME THE FINEST PANCAKES!
You have got to stop watching the West Wing before going out.
dude, I felt like being high in a Santa hat and eating five boxes of cookies was right for today.
He bought me shrimp and alcohol and referred to himself as daddy. I am in love.
how much of this shit do i need to take before i think its a good idea to set the house on fire and scream satanic mantras?
A respectable fucking: good but like I don't want to get kicked out of my hotel room
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