did you ever find your cell phone? and your dignity?
wtf. i just found you're porn stash.
u like it?
NOT THE POINT.
Exactly. I don't do penetration on the first date. Blowjobs however are perfectly acceptable.
I encourage the greeting beej. It determines if the dick is worth keeping around.
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
She took a picture of me when she thought I was sleeping. I don't know whether to be amused or scared.
I went up to get a drink from the hotel room. And ended up getting arrested in the lobby. Spring break has not been forgiving this year.
All I remember was endless tequila and pulling karate moves from 3 Ninjas Kick Back towards the guy at 7 Eleven. Explanation?
I need to think of the best way to tell this boy he's not getting his pants back
before the moonshine you were already braiding the bouncers beard -_-
On my way, five mins. Is the line long? Do you think they will they hold a pumpkin at coat check?
A baby just tried to pull out his mom's huge tits at work today and nearly succeeded. I was silently cheering for the little guy.
I don't know. I just have an affinity for nudity when I'm drunk.
How the hell am I supposed to tell that to a group of eight year olds?! It was three in the afternoon for fucks sake!
I just used an Amazon gift card from a student to order a new vibrator....teacher of the year
Just had to tell a NYC cop I was doing the Dougie in a houndstooth jumper so he could find me in the security video.
Yea she is hot. But she also had no toothpaste in her entire apartment.
Randomize
