Sex has been so nonexistent lately that when I was masturbating the other day, I actually paused to yawn.
dont ever smoke after you drink again... i dont think ive ever seen...or heard of someone throwing up and farting at the same time. that is, if you were farting.
I just tried to pee in a pad to see if it was like a diaper. it's not.
she thought the capital of kansas was topanga.
I Just paid off the bartender to help me convince this chic my roommate's gay. This is the best cockblock ever.
He's coming over tonight...I really wish I didn't have my period right now...
I believe I'm witnessing the first time ever that you wished your period would NOT come....
He told him to "throw up in my mouth like I'm a baby bird."
If he shows up in a "mount n dew" me shirt im throwing him to the lesbians
how did you know i stayed over last night?
there was a trail of glow sticks and cheetos from the front door all the way to his bedroom
I almost just texted "I'm lonely" to my gynecologist.
It was literally 8 o'clock in the morning. His horniness knows no bounds.
We need to make tonight low-budget
Is this your way of suggesting flasks?
masturbating on the freeway is more stressful than it sounds
Quickly hiding the condom wrappers, ropes, and handcuffs right before the parents arrive to help with moving out? Priceless.
I bet you my entire life savings of $0 that there's a Doctor Who porn parody and that it features the sonic screwdriver being inserted into some cavities
Randomize
