we have to go try and show our tits so we can get ID-free drinks at applebees
Every time I remember you're bi, the world gets a little brighter.
I just melted my phone trying to make cookies. I think that's a sign.
I feel like ass. I'm missing 12 hours of my life and all I have to show for it is an empty wendys bag. Those Shrooms were too much... When do we do it again?
Apparently he proposed after he saw me chug vodka out of a traffic cone.
So in Aca Taco on grad night 1am, this bitch walks in alone drunk as fuck in her gown to the front of the line and says, "I graduated today...thank YOU"
In related news, I couldn't want to blow you more if your dick made harmonica noises.
He showed me a picture of his baby hamsters and I called them "Mammal McNuggets"
Did you leave ur panties in the sink?
Kitchen or bathroom?
he sent me a green and gold dick pic and advised me I needed to come drive the snake from Ireland.
This text constitutes a formal request for sexual congress under the terms of our Relationship Agreement.
To be honest. I have two poptarts in my jacket pockets. No one knows. I am pro stealth.
First of all she starred talking about God which immediately killed my buzz
I'd love you more if you were covered in hot cheetos
She was so happy for me that she insisted I fuck her with my Bills jersey on. THAT ACCOMMODATING
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