It's noon and i am somehow drinking by myself in a jazz tent in broad daylight.
The guy in front of me in Sociology is definitely working on my farm in farmville. Never met him before. Do I thank him?
Watching marley and me... this girls got me whipped man
I know I said that I'd stop dating 20 year olds... but at least this one's not my student...
So was it you or me who decided it was a good idea to inscribe fuck you on the counter?
That was me. Just a 'welcome to our home' kinda thing.
Dude this deaf chick is totally hot, I just bought an apartment on boner ave
Some chick asked if she could eat me because I'm dressed as a taco. I introduced her to RJ. Best Wingman.
Wearing a french maid costume for Halloween sure did help me meet girls
Dude, they all thought you were gay.
I just slammed another champagne, swaggered over to her, pointed across the room at the 20 y/o lacrosse player and whispered loudly, "I brought that one for YOU." I'm getting a raise.
She followed me back, then proceeded to find my room, get her panda suit on? And then raid my room and pass out on my couch... what the fack do I do now?!?!
He sent me a pic stitch collage of all the tit pics I had sexted him this month. It was so sweet!
Heat not working dressed like an eskimo. A real one with a ski sock on my junk
At least you didn’t announce to an entire bar you’ve eaten pussy, and then knocked your beer over.
poll: am I friendzoned if he just called me brochacha? on one hand, he called me bro, but on the other, he used the a to make it feminine.
I looked into her soul, didn't I?
You eye-fucked her soul.
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