you turned your livingroom into a bong?
i just found an uncooked ramen noodle in my underwear
you never know, standards drop, they turn gay, shit happens.
I hate drunken dyslexia, i thought she said "someone to do" not "something to do" long story short i now have a restraining order.
This girl brought half a watermelon to class. I want to be on her level.
Its pretty simple actually, if she texts me either Grr or Rawr it means she is horny and wants to bone. its a perfect system
It looks alright. The blow up doll is in the microwave, and she has forks in her ass
I just had to download an app to edit pictures on my new phone. The things I do for sexting...
i think i broke my dog last night...fuck
Best walk of shame ever. Wearing a bright purple onesie, covered in smudged childrens make up, carrying my shoes and 1/4 sac of goon. I swear every house I walked past had an elderly couple watering their garden just to watch me
I was so high the sounds of a cricket drove me out of my home at 4am.... Boo that fucking cricket
you walked around drinking beer out of a plunger and telling people it was a goblet...
took shots off of a myriad of fake boobs last night. It was glorious.
Today I made my parents proud-spent the afternoon floating around in their pool drinking beer-which I would ask my nephews to get for me out of the fridge
You kept sayin "its alright, I'm pre-med" to everything we said. EVERYTHING.
Randomize
