come to Starbucks. I'm the fat girl eating a whole pizza sitting on the ground
My worst case scenario tonight is that I fuck a hot Swiss girl. Let that give you perspective on my life at the moment.
I know this is random but to this day I regret not having sex with you on that atv on the top of that mountain underneath the American flag.
BTW rolling him off the couch and onto that tarp was pure genius. He definitely pissed himself last night.
On a scale of one to liver failure, how bad would it be if I played thunderstruck alone?
You can achieve whatever you wish in your imagination with some help from drugs
I came in shy and timid. By the end of the night I hulked out broke two lamps, their coffee table, some plates, and still had sex.
I mean in all honesty I would let James Franco shit on my chest. End of story
sometimes you just gotta eat tacobell at 2am and cry all your feelings out
The difference in our lives is summed up perfectly in that you woke up next to a 6'4" guy with an accent and I woke up next to an unwrapped piece of string cheese.
Masturbated furiously for a half hour; ate a fistful of chocolate, then took a nap. Woke up and finished wrapping presents. I've got this holiday thing down.
I just want to meet a nice normal guy that doesn't want me to taze him while we have sex. . . . .is that too much to ask for?
Is it acceptable to pay for WiFi on flights solely for the purpose of getting on Tinder to find a sugar daddy on the plane that doesn’t mind upgrading me to first class?
Do it. You’re flying for two weddings. You’re gonna need that first class.
I have no idea, I usually just project my awkwardness out like a mating call until it draws other awkward members of the opposite sex out from the bushes
Saddle up bitches, we're going to an orgy.
Randomize
