I just woke up and i'm wearing a cape and it says sup slut on my ass
I don't think he has that. His apartment was pretty much a tv and a bed. Topless girl calendar and a glass of water to put out cigarettes.
Starbucks introducing alcohol. i hear angels singing.
You make homosexuality sound like a cult.
She fell asleep on the sidewalk and people starting using her as a hurdle
this just proves how much faith i have in "us".. what should we be for halloween..?
We're not in high school anymore. I'm not going to pretend to be impressed as he butchers my favorite songs on his guitar. I just wanted to get laid.
I'm about to initiate a game of drunk UNO.
Drunk UNO has officially been banned from now until forever.
Don't underestimate her when she starts going by "the vodka queen"
Sorry, I was trapped in a small closet behind a washer. What's up?
You in for a dick vacation?
YES, even though I have no idea what that means
I didn't even mind that he came early I just wanted to get eaten out and cuddle
Ugh I feel like I just got hit by a big giant sex bus.
Its 6:30pm and dad just drunk called me asking me what the alarm code at home is..... I'm at home, and dad isn't here.....
the fact that I can still put my shoes on is a testament to the fact that I can outdrink these bros
Randomize
