I wish scraping a resin bowl could be considered cleaning.
Fist pumping is hard when country music is playing FYI but I am committed
I took a picture of his ID so i could remember how to spell his last name and facebook stalk him later...I think he saw me do it
He just keeps repeating "this isn't my bagel".. i'm worried for his safety
Ur gonna wake up early as dick tomorrow to do some responsible shit but im the one up at 3 am right now cooking brats soaked in keystone light so fuck your falling asleep ass bitch
We bonded over blowjobs and stories of our childhoods. It was beautiful.
Oh god. I asked to "play his sexaphone" which I though was a super sex way to say "let me blow you". He fucking walked home at 4:30am
I'm hoping my engineering degree will pay off when I invent porn watching in the shower
Maybe if he'd step up his game and get a real job instead of donating plasma and trying to grow pot then you wouldn't feel compelled to write prisoners in Oregon.
Come here I'm naked
And I want mozzarella sticks
I wrote him a note at the end of the final. I'm hoping I can flirt my way in to an A or B
Our Uber driver pulled over to show us Tinder some dick pics. Top that.
We need a kiddie pool and lots of cornstarch
You ripped his router out of the wall and screamed "I have defeated the matrix"
If I'm not there when the plane leaves, I didn't make it through security. See you at home! Vegas bitches!!!
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