Pls tell me she didnt actually sign a nutsack.
Turn sideways at McDonald's = actual directions to a winery
I wish i could clap on, clap off my penis
she needs to learn to take compliments like she takes dicks.
literally followed a trail of condoms to the bus stop this morning. Ahh modern-day bread crumbs
My entire life is one complicated drinking game
he smelled like listerine and beef tacos
it's kind of slutty but what the hell, so are we
high. he's playing 'oops i did it again' on the ukelele. is this real life?
Im calling you paparazzi cause of all the dick pics you take of your one night stands ps loved the panoramic one!
It's not ok to announce to a group of people playing beer pong that a girl put her finger in your butt last night. I now know this
Best part about a crippling state-wide drought? Actually having a valid excuse for not showering
Because you failed to stop the wedding, now I have to be a homewrecker. My eternal damnation is on your head I hope you're proud.
I don't know..He walked out of your room with a kraft single..and blood on his shirt...He really wanted cheese.
Her oh Gods turned into oh god I shouldn't be doing this I'm engaged.
Randomize
