Um, that's called prostitution
Not if I leave it on the nightstand, then it's called cab money
So at this point...I'm sure you heard the story about Saturday night
I had to physically hold you down to stop you from going out the window naked. You put up quit the struggle.
I know it's pride week, but your asshole is just never supposed to taste like banana.
Im done having sex . he ruined it for me after he said " can we use my penis as a shovel ?"
Boats looked like robot pelicans and time was slow and now im on wipe out
If I come back tomorrow to find a certain football player tied up and locked in your closet, shit's gonna get real.
I'll set him free tomorrow morning ;)
Her parents are celebrating she found someone so well endowed.
Will there be champagne when they see the pay check?
He called me for phone sex. Do you know how hard it is to fake an orgasm, and play Candy Crush at the same time?
the guy next to you kind of looks like a penguin. i'm going to fuck him
It's still fucked up that my mom let me think Vanilla Ice was my dad for YEARS just because she thought it was funny.
I woke up with a jacket; in it passport, hockey tickets, sunglasses, credit card, bank transactions
The cat hopped on my bed and watched me masturbate naked with a vibrator. I've never felt more sorry in my entire life
If the people you’re with use the word tequila in a sentence with phrases like hair of the dog or breakfast of champions...run awsy
so let me get this straight you just stared at his boner all night?
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