Thanks again for letting me crash last nite. Sorry I banged your little brother.
Also, i'm pretty sure i've had my birth control pill stuck in my throat since like...two pm. So i'll be practicing safe oral sex tonight.
Girl next to me just said "as a guy I used to sweat but not I don't. it's awesome" Oh. My. God.
at least franzia made me throw up pretty colors.
Her breakfeast in bed consisted of half a pop tart that I didn't want, and water that I slipped birth control into... Who says chivalry is dead?
forgot a fork. i am eating fettucini alfredo with a comb that i rinsed off the the bathroom sink. eating alone in my car. life doesn't get any sadder than this
It took us hanging out like four times to kiss. Id like to fuck you before I'm 30
Oh, and my friends believe you should reimburse me for the brazilian that was gone to waste.
Fact: Chilis at the airport in JAX will serve you shots of jack at 6:45 with breakfast. Ya I missed my flight.
So when does your new flight leave?
At my shot/hour ratio.... I leave in 16 shots. I love flying
I want to go to a gay rodeo for my cross country road trip. It'll be like my very own homo country boy pilgrimage to the holy land.
There is a midget driving a powered tricycle around town. I am not drunk, stoned, or lying.
Either of you know why the shower was on and the bathroom door wide open with no one in there at 6 in the morning?
he went to the bathroom at 5am only to come back and squeeze my boob before going back to sleep
I finally got my restraining order in the mail. Was that supposed to upset me? I'm just over here like "TELLEM BOY BYE!-\nlegally..."
She told me the next morning I stared at her tits for like 15 minutes with binoculars from only a few seats away.
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