he's chasing his jose cuervo with hot tub water
Instead of peeing my cute lil blue panties I peed in the train parking lot in front of an asian.
My psychiatrist is "consulting" others. I am high-achieving nuts.
Stalkers don't have time for showers...it's a full time job
I remember tearing his shower curtain down but I don't remember trying to shave my vag...
When it gets to the point that I'm more comfortable being naked at his house than my own, it's time to readdress the fuckbuddyship.
How is it possible that I am in a completely different city, and there are 2 dudes here that I've banged? How????
oh, i've got big weekend plans. on an unrelated note, do you think viagra will work if the guy is roofied?
I'm not gonna lie; I was dosed with mushrooms and am eating pickles with a guy in all white. It's weird, but I'm down. Help.
Either I just got hit on by a 10 year old.girl dressed like a boy or I just got hit on by a midget lesbian. Either way I feel uncomfortable
I want to play lord of the rings tonight. And by that I mean get really drunk, potentially lost, and go trekking through the woods or climbing shit. I want all of you there. You are the fellowship. This is a mass text. I am insanely high.
Why is there a water bottle full of red wine on my desk this morning?
See you tonight.
When they said they were gonna tattoo each other's gamer tags on their asses, I knew I no longer had a boyfriend.
Just try and act like you're sober
I can't I snorted an anti depressant and he's pouring me tequila shots
Idk if you've ever tried hysterically crying in the shower listening to Florence + The Machine but it's honestly a life-affirming experience
Randomize
