question: from what angle do you give a hand job. im confused..
I wish Pampers made couches for people like us.
you proceeded to scream out that it's your birthday to everyone who walked by before you collapsed in the middle of the street. happy 21st birthday to you.
Yay for living on the edge. I'm trying this new thing where I stop mom-arming people and promote bad decisions. It's working quite well.
Can you get the drug form of snow for the blizzard this weekend?
What kind of present accurately says to my male suitemate "I'm sorry that I accidentally flashed you my vagina while I was super drunk"?
Yo, I totally had forgotten you were CA. Thank you for making my life easier with modern medicine.
I feel like there should be a 'roommate information section' of the paperwork when there's a chance you'll be given pain killers.
was I atleast graceful when I feel down that flight of stairs and broke my hand?
Sorry my phone died because I decided charging my vibrator was way more important
What??! Dude I'm not having you barging in at like 2 am smelling of cigarettes and disappointment to sleep on my couch and then have an awkward morning with my wife while I'm at work.
Touché sir
I AM OFFICIALLY LICENSED TO BE A LESBIAN
Ok, there are marshmallows shaped like elephants
Well it was okay until he pinned my arms over my head and I found the loaded pistol tucked behind the bed... THIS IS WHY WE DON'T FUCK BOYS IN MONTANA ANYMORE
Apparently my hair turned out really good because I got my butthole licked by a stranger last night
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