I'm at an open mic night and the next act is called 'the best creed cover band ever.' The guy i recently hooked up with is on bass.
do you ever facebook stalk someone so much you think their inside jokes are yours?
I woke up to 30 angry texts and her Chihuahua in my room. Can you drop him off for me?
He said they were doing a skit in class apparently someone else is dressed like a horse. Ive never felt more proned to skipping class than now
incase your class ends early, there are three naked guys in our room. but don't get too excited, they're all gay.
The pride tent is doing free lube tastings. There is also a mechanical bull.
You know what's even more awkward then buying plan b from someone who is a member at the gym you work at... When they come in after that day and have that look of recognition
He initiated the conversation by sending me a picture of his penis at 4 am
this could be the second dad I've smoked weed with
Only you can make me eat tacos in your car, while naked, on a dead end road in a ditch on a Thursday night.
HOCKEY BUTTS AND BASEBALL BUTTS HONESTLY DO SOMETHING TO ME
We need to get Harry and Lloyd's tuxedos from Dumb and Dumber. I feel like this is a vital thing that is missing from our lives.
We shall need something stronger. Anal lube, the blood of a giraffe, and a bay leaf should do the trick. Make the paste and cover your left knee and anus in it.
meow
use your words like a big girl
i ran over your cat.
when i saw him today i think my vagina did the equivalent of a stomach growl... its been to long
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