he was so excited that he found the elusive clitoris. i was like look christopher colombus, just because you found it doesnt mean you knew what to do with it
Helping high family members not look retarded is what family is for
I learned his name tonight. This now makes him a real person. Obviously, I no longer want to sleep with him.
it was pretty much a given that i would lose my thong on dollar tequilla shot night
He gets a blow job and all I get is a huge scar on my arm ... how is this fair?
she crawled under her car and passed out. Unfortunately her feet were sticking out and someone called 911 because they thought she had been run over.
totally just got a week extension on my midterm by telling my prof that I had just found out I was adopted
She took a crow from her moms Halloween decorations, taped it to her shoulder, went to the bar and made the guys buy a drinks for both her and the crow.
I feel like we shud celebrate your sisters homecoming by having sex in her room
I'd recommend you leave that level of crazy to the experts. I'd start with an under appreciated soccer mom if I were you.
I discovered a new stretch mark. DONE. LITERALLY DONE.
I never forget a pussy, even blackout me gives me that memory.
I am stoned, not wearing a bra, and a woman. There is no way in fuck I am getting on a fucking bus.
I'm reading the Hobbit in my blanket fort alone with a bottle of wine... all I need is dungeons and dragons to complete this superfecta of awesome
I don't think we should let her have pot anymore. She ate an entire package of bacon half-cooked and screamed that it was al-dente.
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