Im sure that doesnt mean its ruined... It was your bithday you get a free "im drunk at 7 am" card
Found: medium sized pair of mens pants tucked inside my purse w/ a dry cleaners coupon in left pocket. Call if you wish to claim the coupon
It all boils down to, who else do we know that is willing to buy our friendship?
I'll send you the picture of you double fisting vodka bottles, grinding one guy and making out with another... Every girl wanted to be you.. You make me so proud!
Why were you staring at her like that over breakfast?
Because I was eating with a spoon to remind her that she threw up on my hand while she was MAKING me spoon with her after our drunk sex. She got it. Don't worry.
If my sophomore year were to be made into a novel, it would be titled "dances with salvia"
i swear i just dislocated a hip staying still
BRING KITTENS I AM A GENIUS
...I just melted into my bed. I am one with the bed. I am 600 thread count.
I think I was high. I asked a dude at chillis if they had a cereal buffet
She said I can't embarrass her, the challenge has been set
I told him I thought I was pregnant and he told me he accidentally killed my bird.
Circle of life.
She's chasing the cat around the house hitting it with a cardboard sword yelling "there can be only one!"
Its pretty bad when you can tell twins apart by the size of their penises...
I'm legitimately the first person in the United States to successfully shave their balls with a Razer Blade of a sword and fully admitt it. I'm honestly smoother then a 10 year old.
Randomize
