Scream out, "Tax-Free dick over here" in the bar. Ladies love tax free stuff
As far as classy things to do in front of your ex go, throwing up on your own shirt is not one of them.
and he says: but we did find out that your ovaries have never released eggs. first thing out of my mouth: so i didnt really need to take the morning after pill so many times in college?
not the response he usually gets im sure.
Don't judge me. If you're going to fall off a bed you might as well do it gracefully into a bag full of beer.
Penises. Everywhere.
You're. Welcome.
Apparently while trying to get up from vomiting in the toilet I grabbed the seat cover for leverage and smashed my own head between it and the bowl. I don't remember this.
So we just left her at the hospital. She is not ruining my Monday night
Just thought you should know the man you CHOSE to father your children has once again fallen asleep on the toilet. thanks mom
I think my sunburn makes my ass look bigger
I haven't taken a solid shit in four weeks. Do you know what started four weeks ago? Alcohol and dining hall food. Fucking college.
Went to work in the same clothes from last night, completely covered in glitter...I didn't choose the hag life, the hag life chose me
That's how all the girlfriends are. Oh he's a boy, no worries, then BAM. I blow their boyfriend.
Details are irrelevant. Come bail me out of jail.
He's on the porch naked. Help.
im having flashbacks to my time in a waffle cult composed of 9 to 14 year olds
Randomize
