I heard it from a little bird bananas is gonna be there
Is this bird reliable bc I don't wanna be wasted running around the bar asking where bananas is
oh God, I have a dick of a middle schooler
I wish i could tell a story about guys I know without the phrase "and then I blew him." coming up.
I think "bars open christmas minneapolis" is the saddest google search i've ever done.
I am the drunkest girl in the tree.
Got a thumbs up from a trucker for doing lines on the interstate. God bless america.
The only thing worse than being hungover is being hungover and not able to open your mouth wide enough to eat a cheeseburger
I'm thinking about slathering myself with peanut butter and going to the dog park. What's the worst that could happen?
Every minute you wait for the sex that's not gonna happen, we're missing a tone deaf, drunk, tard-asaurus rex half-sing a 90's song to a bunch of other dinotards at karaoke.
Literally got mad at him this morning because we didn't have time to have sex for a third time. I think I'm getting greedy.
Is it just me or is Michael Jackson blasting throughout the house
Is that your mom climbing in your window dude
You do realize he's just an extension of his penis, right?
I'm just now realizing I've slept with guys from three different decades over the past year. That's gotta be some sort of record.
I can't say too many people would say watching their drunk best friends fuck in a hot tub is very normal.
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