Food network will be on but we won't be watching
O by "watching" I mean "background noise"
I spent my night drunkenly staring at a picture of John Stamos. How do you think I feel?
You had me sold at "fucking you down the slide"
After Madison dropped a bottle of full vodka an it shattered on the floor, it was quiet for literally 3 min straight and then drew said "the booze gods have spoken"
I just want you and your enormous dick to be my fucking rebound so we can move on with our lives
His and hers buttplugs were a resounding success. Tru luv
are we fucking for lunch or am I using my vibrator ?
your life is not complete until you watch a gaggle of murderous clowns dance to gangnam style.
also, what is the correct term for a shit ton of clowns?
I'm not coming to work today because tequila
You keep making the old jokes & I'm gonna come down with a sudden case of low-estrogen related vaginal dryness..
Is it ironic that our divorce court is a block from where we had our reception? Or is it just sad? Alanis has confused my understanding of irony.
Thx for last night. I've never had so much fun while being told my life decisions are questionable at best.
I'm going to force her to break up with me this week. Tonight I plan to shit the bed. If that doesn't work I'm not sure what's next.
I need you to get the emergency bail money out if the stuffed panda and go to the police station tot bail me out. I should be there in 20 minutes.
New drinking game get out your high school year book and take a shot for everyone in your class who's had a baby!
Randomize
