just ask for directions from a guy with a penis drawn on his window
End of the semester and I banged 14 freshman. I'm like my own welcome to college orientation guide.
I wish you had a penis so you could experience peeing out the window in front of a crowd of people leaving parties.
just saw 2 fat kids fight for the last slice of pizza. Litteraly fight. God Bless America
We started playin just the tip, then shit got crazy
Dude you didn't move for like 2 hours then suddenly sang the chorus to ghetto superstar and passed back out
the only thing coherent you said from what i saw of you is when you were throwing up, i asked if you were done and you just "uh huh you know what it is"
when i'm drunk i think im just gonna point at him and yell adultery is a sinnnn. youre going to helllll
A DRUNK EMT IS BETTER THAN NO EMT!!!
Results of pregaming honors college basketball social: 18 points, 3 blocks, and 3 flagrant fouls leading to 2 broken bones on former valedictorians. I'm doing this more often.
If drinking before honors events and injuring our universities brightest doesn't get you kicked out of the program, you're not trying hard enough.
i feel we're the only people who'd use nyquil sexually
Pitting the remainder of the bottle against my hangover. I'm expecting an all out cage match for my soul and wellbeing.
Dude... I had a dream that I was getting high for the first time. I got to experience my weedginity again. It was glorious.
How the hell could he be confused. He had a naked girl running to him. I feel like he would enjoy that.
I woke up the whole house screaming I need my shorts they found me in the kitchen with a bag of strawberries naked
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