Check if I'm alive tomorrow. If not, tell my parents I died happy and that there's a gay cheerleader in the spare bedroom
For some reason fuck navy didn't go over quite as well as say fuck michigan;
You can't be mad at me for wanting to drink though, it is the reason we're engaged
he peed everywhere. it's like having a puppy.
i caught him jerking off, doing his SAT Prep. forever alone.
How am I so hungover that wearing sunglasses hurts my head?
He's so hot and there's so much R Kelly and vodka I think I might die.
Why did this happen to me why did I have to meet him if I could go back in time I never would have grabbed his dick
Btw, you're my emergency contact at Planned Parenthood
How do you politely tell a guy that you only kissed him so he would shut the fuck up?
That's how pantless uber rides happen
He caught me mid-escape...one leg out the window, bra n thong in hand.I just looked at him and said "Bye Now" n proceeded to fall out his window....then.... tell me why he texted me 30 min later to make sure i got home ok! #igotthis
you just don't appreciate it because you've never been arrested
I'm pretty sure I have PMS because I almost just cried about not being able to find a place that gives acrobat classes here.
i think ive been high everyday since ive met you
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