The new Black Eyed Peas song is the stupidest shit I've heard since the last Black Eyed Peas song.
she sang that "this little piggy song" to my balls. and somehow made it work, with me only having two balls instead of five.
My mom just bought me $200 worth of booze on the condition that I promise I won't have to go to rehab eventually
We Started drinking at 8am and left the bar around 11pm....I hate ALL green things
Their house warming gift for us was a half case of keystone and getting the cops called..
The salesman looked at me like I was crazy when I explained the need for a headboard that had slats so I could handcuff people to it
Next time we throw a party together I would appreciate it if you didn't try to get my friends to hook up with friends of yours you know have herpes
well shes beginning to earn a reputation as "the girl who tries to bone her hook ups in the ass with a pickle"
Tomorrow's thirsty thursday is now sponsored by the three time champion, chemisty failure. celebration starts asap.
I blacked out for most of the day but apparently I still met with my prof. I made notes...
I feel like the way dolphins mate would be the approach that a guy would have to use in order for you to sleep with them
Wanna smoke some ancient weed I just found in a box of cake mix?
You told me that you were mad me because I wouldn't let you 'explore my castle'. Then you said I smelled like a hospital and passed out.
Is it weird that I have your number saved in my phone as baby Jesus?
I'm gonna go take a shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
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