like semen in my mouth is absolutely disgusting but i'd still like to experience it
You were doing downward dog and puking off my deck at the same time.
It's a line of coke at 10 a.m. kind of Saturday. Don't be a pussy about life.
is it STILL halloween? when did this turn into a week long holiday
U handed him a box of flavored condoms, winked, and slurred, "grape juice is her favorite."
A worker across the alley is wearing your sombrero sans cat barf.
I dove into a random van at the bar as the door was closing and ended up at some house with people I've never met in my life dancing in a basement
You took my underwater blowjob virginity.
You tired to make us "vodka tacos". Which was just you dipping pitas in vodka.
Any good?
Well. FUCK YA. But that's beside the point
His name sounds so important....sounds like the name of my future baby daddy to me.
Update: just imagined being dirty talked to in an Irish brogue and I think my vagina became a sentient being.
I think I just got drunk texted by my psychiatrist
How did people get blow jobs before text messaging?
I just got dumped by my fuck buddy. Now I have to have sex with my husband.
If I knew the person sucking my dick didn't say thank you for their Christmas presents I wouldn't be able to cum.
Randomize
