we got sick of 7 11 doubles so we made up a game where you just drink when anyone rolls a 5
thats barely a game just flip a coin
should we drink on heads or tails?
there is this woman at the counter who looks identical to linda ellerbee. and she's grinning. COME. INSIDE. NOW.
Just so you're aware, tomorrow is "Slow Clap when you see Mike" day.
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
He turned off the music when i walked in and introduced me to everyone. then they gave me jager and made me chug it while holding a giant purple dildo. everything resumed when i finished
He wasn't eating out, he was performing a hysterectomy without a license....should I be worried about my future family?
He doesn't belong with God. He belongs face-down in a pile of his own excrement, vomit, blood and semen. Then pissed on by Satan.
Please be advised that because of last year's "incident" we will no be starting St. Pat's day with spicy breakfast burritos and car bombs. Please plan accordingly.
Yeah thats cool. We can play the alphabet game while doing bumps of coke in the back of his volswagon
Sweating vodka and spray tan, I feel like a trophy wife.
You tried to bite my nipple like 3 times
NAh son
Just general bites
Well, I'm most mad that he lied to you (about being married)...but the CAT THING IS A CLOSE SECOND
At least you didn't wake up next to your professor who then proceeded to cancel class via phone while still inside of me.
He ain't mine yet. Gotta have a third date before I pee on him and mark territory.
Oh. Wait. That happened on the second date.
You tried to eat your way through the wall. Like you literally tried to eat drywall and insulation.
Randomize
