I just saw a kid walk into class with his dad. Fuck his life.
we found him in the shower with a bottle of jose saying "this is Mexico's fault"
he said it was like fucking a big sack of slut potatoes
I can't take any time off so I'll be here drinking mimosas til I puke at home with my kitty
You were on shrooms and "the trees are crazy green!" is all you could manage.
He started screaming when he saw my dog. He thought it was a polar bear
My fuck buddy is great and all, but it gets weird when she gets in arguments with her BF in the driveway
I WOKE UP IN A FUCKING DOG BED HOW DO YOU THINK I FEEL
Two things. 1) party at my house this Friday 2) what was the name of the Australian you fucked on the cruise ship?
I just lectured my ex boyfriend on how to eat a girl out what has my life come to
I have standards. Maybe not when it comes to men.. but definitely when it comes to sex
did you make it home?
i'm in a room and it looks like mine :)
hahah close nuff if it isnt
Someone wrote "LazerSwords" on my cock last night. My erect cock. Tequila is no one's friend.
Are you telling me right now that the weed man sexted you?
THE WEED MAN SEXTED ME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
HER BOYFRIEND CAME HOME WHILE WE WERE GETTING IT ON IN THE SHOWER
At least you smelled nice while he kicked your ass.
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