Sometimes, when I'm driving alone I talk to myself in a Russian accent so I think it's my mommy and it calms me down.
the vast amounts of cleavage i'm sporting to my final says "no, I didn't study but don't worry I've got something lined up for when I don't graduate".
I mean it's not my fault he had a floor mat that read "put out or get out". What was I supposed to do?
Although I am concerned about who made the decision to let you loose in a bridal show I am proud to see you in a sombero again.
Going to be a long day. text me later. Sorry I puked in your sink.
My mom is currently out with her lesbian friends and I'm home alone drunk listening to the Les Miserables soundtrack. WHY DO I FEEL THE NEED TO COMPETE WITH HER?
all we have is white fucking wine this is a travesty it's christmas not a fucking funeral
BTW car sex works all the muscle groups. Just sayin. Legs/butt are sore as are arms, back and core.
Mom kept me on a leash as a kid, did you know this?
When she went in the beer store I got to hold it.
The nice lady at the neighborhood liquor store informs me that we have a new woman-run neighborhood sex shop. Jesus loves me and wants me to have a happy Valentine's day.
When I come home and take my bra off and I'm served with a perfect grilled cheese along with a glass of wine. Priceless.
It's official cum is not a great leave in conditioner
just realized we fucked to the ultimate disney playlist last night. hakuna matata.
She was cleaning herself at the bus stop. She also picked up gum off the ground and ate it
How... how did you get Adam Lambert's shoes? Does he know you have them? DID YOU STEAL ADAM LAMBERT'S SHOES?! Oh my God I am so turned on right now.
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