ya know if you hadnt broke up with me, that porno we made wouldnt have a 3.3 rating on youporn right now...
so all night Ive been that girl with her tits out @ the bar. I mean I dropped jaws, yo. But in a classy way.
two drunk chicks are talking to me about reinacting 2girls1cup
ill bring the camera dont start without me
I'm having a chugging contest on the streetcar. The driver is judging.
Plus someone just passed me a joint through the window. BEST STREETCAR RIDE EVER
It's not normal to lose a tooth eating a McDouble.
I might not be able to enter cuba but that doesn't mean that a cuban can't enter me
I wish my head, heart, dick, and nose could just agree on something for once
I have effectively turned laundry day into a drinking game.
I left the guinea pigs on the dryer. Make sure to take care of them.
Where are you? Your parents are here. Their flight got in early.
Trashy Tequila Tuesdays. Have them meet me here @ the bar.
I'm not sending your parents to see you drunk at a gay bar. What kind of boyfriend do you think I am?
A great one. Entertain them i'll be home soon....... I think
Turns out the owner of the bar that I fucked used to be on Boy Meets World, but now he's old and bald. So there's that..
Literally just had a girl put her street name into my phone. Yeah.
6 more days and it'll be a year since i slept with him and never went home
I'm a terrible person when I drink. I went from fine to not making any sense and yelling about cheese in like 30 seconds.
My vagina is the only part of me that is pleased you lived through last night.
Randomize
