Let's just say there is a bloody hand print above my bed and it's not mine. Literally.
Dear tim. Christina farted and it smells like kid roses.
if we dont hook up this weekend, im doing both his roommates
oh and if she happens to say anything about a cantalope and tissues... just go with it
Just curious... Do you still have the cocks bracelet? You know, the one we pass around to whoevers been the biggest slut recently?
He sent me a limp picture of his penis with the caption " same ol, same ol' I cant believe these are the type of guys I sleep with
You went over didnt you?
Mike showed up naked and in handcuffs. Again. Feel free to come over and laugh because I'm not helping this time.
I've counted four places at work I need to get laid in. Come help me accomplish this.
Hey, I'm your guy
That's good. Don't want to see you bellydancing in prison for homemade wine.
Nothing brings compassion from a group of cafe workers like walking in and asking if they have a 'hangover special'
I used my iced coffee to ice the bump on my head from last night
If she gets mad at me, that only means more free time for me. I like to put myself I win win situations. Despite being in a relationship, I still find ways to accomplish my goals.
Sorry for peeing on you and your bed last night.
Why would you trust me with ANYTHING!!!???
Your english degree would kill itself if it could read that text.
maybe a couloe typos.. noooooooooo big deal
Randomize
