things that need to be invented #43: vodka that also acts as birth control.
One thing i hate about playoff baseball: George Lopez
I just took boredom to a whole new level. I just auto-tuned and remixed today's western civ lecture
tailgaiting my last final, a perfect sendoff.
if women knew the size of my dick, theyd be much more receptive to my sloppy drunken advances
I totally accidentally said "we don't go around hammering girls in the rear" in front of 132 5th graders today.
You just kept stroking his beard and thinking aloud that you wanted to rub your face all over it.
As a general rule of thumb, I don't call until the claw marks have healed.
i liked you for your lack of ambition and abundance of weed
So the dog chewed my vibrator last night. It added a nice new texture actually.
only I would find a long lost relative through a craigslist casual encounters ad
the worst fight me and my gf ever had was over Guy fieri
I'll pick u up. I have to buy a new sofa cover anyway. I swear I've never seem a girl cum like that before.
On another note, I think my upstair neighbor is having sex. How awkward would it be if I showed up to her door with a bag of Chipotle?
He went three whole days without making a star wars reference, of course he got sex
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