Just shaved my vagina. It's been so long I forgot what it looked like. You need to come over right now.
I really resent how she stayed home and ruined my plans to watch sci-fi and masturbate.
He visits one Denver strip club and now hes moving there
They need 20 oz Capri suns with liquor. Douches need to grow up with their clients
Remember that girl that we found passed out in the dorm study room under a pile of money and jimmy johns wrappers? She's standing right on front of me.
i woke up soaking wet with shard of glass imbedded in my flesh dangerously close to my dick what happend?!!
BEER BOTTLE SWORD FIGHTHING!!
He did a line of coke off my stomach then flipped me over and smacked my ass. Then, while he was talking dirty to me, he told me he wanted to hire someone to clean my room. And that's when he lost his boner. Life is so hard.
Definitely had a dick in my ass while watching the Seahawks win. Best NFC Championship game ever.
how did you set a fucking salad on fire????????
Just don’t be like me and break up between Christmas and NYE and then get blackout on NYE and puke in your undies.
Why the fuck is there raw bacon in my bra. I don't even have a stove.
Are you still in his room?
Nope, yogged home at 8 am with one shoe on.
Get over your kidney infection all ready. You have been sober for too long.
Dude we were sitting at my place stoned as fuk then someone knocks on the door and it was my neighbor giving me a huge box of cookie dough. Magic of weed.
Well I just masturbated while reading a recipe for Alfredo sauce so I guess you could say I’m growing up
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